I was really down yesterday, not depressed, just disappointed. I felt quite a lot like I do when a hpt signals "not pregnant." It was awful to hear and see sign after sign that this cycle was "washing out." Or... that was how I felt yesterday, this morning my entire perspective changed.
God speaks to me through my mental process of trying to understand what happens to me. I know that it is the Lord when I feel peace. I felt peace this morning. I woke up this morning feeling VERY bloated after taking the HSG shot last night. I can feel the pressure in front and in my back. I checked SS posts, and saw the info that Kristi has OHSS - sorry, girl, be there - done that, it does stink! Fluids, fluids, fluids... okay back to topic. I realized then that God has been in all of this... this time last year I was hyper-stimed, and if my estrogen level had gotten much higher, I believe that Kristi and I would have been going through this together. So... this morning I am thankful.
DH and I spent time with some very close friends last night. They felt the Spirit calling to them to lay hands on us and pray. I have been longing for someone(s) to pray for us, not by our asking, but by the Spirit's prompting... so this was truly a "God-thing" to me. These friends are also experiencing some rough life events, so it has been good to come alongside one another and walk our journeys together - even though the issues are different.
So... I called my friend "A" this morning to see how she and her husband were doing. She then asked how I was, to which I responded "bloated!" She picked up on the fact that this is kinda of a good thing. And I explained to her the revelation that God gave me this morning. Then, I know that God began to speak through me, because the words I was saying was causing a physical reaction within me as I said them. I was not saying them to "A", but it was Jesus speaking to me - using the conversation with my dear friend as an avenue for his blessing. Here is the crux of this post:
Jesus reminded me that by believing in the promises that He has spoken to my DH and I that we are exercising blind faith. Blind faith to the Christian is accepting and trusting that God's yes is yes and His no is no... that he is an unwavering God. Jesus further clarified to me that blind faith to the non-Christian is accepting the sacrifice that He made and believing blindly that Jesus is their atonement. Many times it is presented as if this is the "alpha and omega" of blind faith. That after accepting Jesus that there is no more "unknowns" that we must accept. However, Jesus made it clear to me that this first act of blind faith is only the beginning of a very long journey of choosing to continually place our hope, trust, faith, assurance on the promises He has made to us - both through the Bible and to us personally. Blind faith continues to be an act of worship by the Christian. We know not what God has planned for us, but we can choose to believe, if only blindly, that His words are true and steadfast.
