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An Infertility Poem

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Postby Snowflake Mommy » Mon Jun 02, 2003 8:57 am

I discovered this beautiful poem on another Forum and wanted to share it here:


Walk in My Shoes

Relax, relax, don’t obsess, that’s all they ever say.
Many days I wish the thoughts of baby would just go away.
Once you start trying to conceive and the wheels begin to roll,
It is very difficult to move on with life and to keep complete control.

Every month a rollercoaster of emotions and despair,
I just wish that the problems would vanish in thin air.
The thoughts I have, the feelings too, won’t they ease up some?
Will the day I feel a baby kick and the joy it will bring ever come?

Those who try to help me just say that I obsess.
Don’t they know that until I see two lines I’ll be just a mess?
They make me feel abnormal, like I’m spinning out of control.
Everyone in my shoes knows how this takes its toll.

I cannot continue to let everyone act as if I am insane.
The thoughts I have, the way I feel, I have a right to complain.
Why does my body fail me, with its cruel and relentless ridicule?
My patience is wearing thin and leaves me feeling like a fool.

I wish for them not to judge, I do not want to feel this way.
I have the ache in my arms and heart each and every day.
Not having a baby is not an option; to me it’s like not having an arm.
Do they not understand that what they say does no good but harm?

I would have a baby now if my course in life I could choose.
Let them walk just one day in an infertile woman’s shoes.
Let them have the feelings that I live with and endure.
They would surely understand the plight that I can’t ignore.

Please Lord let them all understand that this is all I pray.
For every ache and pain a mother goes through every day.
I will take the sickness and all that comes with birth.
The end result would well be worth it and my heart would be filled with mirth.

So I end this with the same prayer that I have always in my heart.
I want the longing for a child to end and motherhood to start.
Please hear my prayer, oh Lord, today so my life can begin again.
Bless me with a little child that you send straight from Your Kingdom, Heaven


Original Poem written by Amy Hurd, found at: http://www.hannahsprayer.org/cgi-bin/fo ... ;f=4;t=666
Last edited by Snowflake Mommy on Tue Jun 03, 2003 8:11 am, edited 2 times in total.
Snowflake Mommy
 
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Postby Waiting » Mon Jun 02, 2003 10:20 am

I enjoyed reading your poem and know exactly how you feel. My husband and I have been married 7 years, with no preganancies. At the bottom, are all the things that my husband and I have gone through. It's so hard! And, this past Friday my sister n law announced her 3 child. And it's the first girl on our side of the family. My heart ached. I acted happy on the outsite, but on the inside, I longed for her feelings of joy. And, the name she picked out, Hannah, has been a name that my husband and I've wanted for years for a little girl. And she knows that. It pierced my heart when she announced that was one of her names to pick.

My husband and I had mixed emotions. We were both mad too. They know how hard it's been for us. And her and my other sister n law went in another room and talked for an hour about this new pregnancy. Meanwhile, I was sitting in the living room and my heart pounded. My husband and I do try and have a balance, we are very involved with our nephews and I talk a lot w/ my sister n laws about their children. I just feel like they don't show us the same compassion.

Any advice? It's been so hard for us! My sister n laws and I have talked about how hard it is for us, but I don't think they know the deep hurt. And when they go on and on about their children, I feel so left out.
1 failed adoption
6 failed IUIs
6 months of failed Clomid
1 DNC, 2 Laperoscopies for endometriosis
8 years of marriage, we're both in our 30s
God prepares those 'in the waiting'
Waiting
 
Posts: 9
Joined: Mon May 12, 2003 3:39 pm

Postby dengland » Mon Jun 02, 2003 4:31 pm

I wanted to let you know that the original post of this poem is available at http://www.hannahsprayer.org/cgi-bin/forums/ikonboard.cgi?s=a7412ecdf23f9c4c317ccb8fc470c83d;act=ST;f=4;t=666. The poem was written by Amy, aimers1212 at www.hannasprayer.org.

Denise
Moderator of www.hannahsprayer.org Primary Infertility Christian message board.

Married 5 1/2 years, Doggy mom of 2
Unexplained infertility
2 HSGs, numerous other tests, lap
5 IUIs (Clomid / Repronex)
Currently considering IVF
dengland
 
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Postby Snowflake Mommy » Mon Jun 02, 2003 9:51 pm

Thanks Denise!

I loved Amy's poem and was so quick to share it that I forgot to get her name and have it when I posted...!!! Then I couldn't remember which forum she'd written it on!! I appreciate your adding this!! :D
Snowflake Mommy
 
Posts: 114
Joined: Tue Apr 15, 2003 4:12 pm

Postby dee » Sun Jun 08, 2003 6:38 pm

Waiting, I know how extra difficult new family pregnancy announcements can be. I have sis in law who goes from chewing me out when I don't tell her much about our infertility to buying maternity clothes for "the next time she gets pregnant" when we are shopping together. I just spent a few days with my mom who I love dearly but who doesn't get infertility...she keeps telling me all these stories about people who got pregnant after they adopted. Family I think can sometimes be our greatest pain because of the ties and all--keep your chin up tho and don't give up hope...Blessings, dee
dee age 28
dh age 32
happily married (regardless of this mess) for 7 years in June 2004
2 surgeries
1 failed adoption
ttc 5+ yrs
doggy mama to Micky (chihuhua)

HIS strength is perfect when mine is gone....
dee
 
Posts: 188
Joined: Fri Apr 04, 2003 10:25 pm
Location: Iowa

Postby Waiting » Mon Jun 09, 2003 8:22 am

Thank you Dee for your sweet comments. I really appreciate your understanding. Gosh, for your sis n law to ask you to go in a mother store to buy her maternity clothes is unreal! I would have died! Everytime I pass by a mom store, I always glance at it as I walk by and wonder what it feels like to wear those clothes! My sis n law was over last night and talked about buying girl baby clothes. I just nodded. I think they forget how hard it is for us. Even though they know everything.

People have told me too about getting pregnant after they adopt too, evidentally we didn't get pregnant after our failed adoptions. When people don't know our situation and spout off at the mouth, I just smile. I know God has a plan for us though! Sometimes I am ok with it and sometimes I'm not. Know what I mean? Thanks again for your help! I like this chat thing.
1 failed adoption
6 failed IUIs
6 months of failed Clomid
1 DNC, 2 Laperoscopies for endometriosis
8 years of marriage, we're both in our 30s
God prepares those 'in the waiting'
Waiting
 
Posts: 9
Joined: Mon May 12, 2003 3:39 pm

Postby dee » Mon Jun 09, 2003 4:06 pm

just a clarification..my sis in law doesn't drag me in to mom stores it just usually ends up being the racks at second hand stores ect...
Waiting, I love your attitude about God's plan...keep it up...dee
dee age 28
dh age 32
happily married (regardless of this mess) for 7 years in June 2004
2 surgeries
1 failed adoption
ttc 5+ yrs
doggy mama to Micky (chihuhua)

HIS strength is perfect when mine is gone....
dee
 
Posts: 188
Joined: Fri Apr 04, 2003 10:25 pm
Location: Iowa

Postby sdghanks » Mon Jun 09, 2003 7:02 pm

To All!
Thanks for supplying the poem, and information. I printed it out even after reading it and crying all the way through, and will probably go over to the website to capture it from there. I also got something out of each reply to the poem.
Waiting, I admire your attitude as well and am holding to hope and faith to believe the same way. God's got a plan for this all! I have had some one tell me, it's a specail plan God will have in store. As for Hannah, nothing stops you from having the same name for a baby of your own one day, even within the same family. Example, names run common in my family, I have an uncle David, cousin by the same (though we call him by a nickname) and I married a David (refer to him as Dave); other's as well. My mother had done some research on Hannah, believing God gave her a name for our next pregnacy, meaning grace. There's still Hope, Waiting!

Let's all keep the faith!
sdghanks (Sherry)
sdghanks
 
Posts: 80
Joined: Mon Mar 31, 2003 7:15 pm
Location: Savannah, GA

Postby Waiting » Tue Jun 10, 2003 7:56 am

Sherry,

Thank you for your encouragement! When I heard that my sis n law wanted to name her baby Hannah, at first my heart was mad b/c I was like "no, that's my name and we have it picked out for a special reason." Then, the more time has gone on, the more I realize that we could still name our girl, if we have one, Hannah also. Thanks for letting me know that families can have the same name. I just wasn't sure how my sis n law would feel if I did the same name. I guess I'm "borrowing troubles". We'll just keep praying.

One thing I am praying for is when she'll have a baby shower. I haven't gone to a baby shower in 2 years (when our adoption fell through). I know I'll have tons of emotions. Do you feel that way? Thank you again for your sweet thoughts. I enjoy talking to others about this. Since we just moved to NC, we don't know anyone that has the same infertility as we do.
1 failed adoption
6 failed IUIs
6 months of failed Clomid
1 DNC, 2 Laperoscopies for endometriosis
8 years of marriage, we're both in our 30s
God prepares those 'in the waiting'
Waiting
 
Posts: 9
Joined: Mon May 12, 2003 3:39 pm

Postby sdghanks » Tue Jun 10, 2003 4:56 pm

Waiting,
Though I haven't gone myself in a long time, at least a year, to an actually baby shower; I have just started buying some baby gifts for a few people. It's a way of emotions alot for me, and so it's best for me to by doing what I have been doing lately. As of someone in the family, I feel like that would be harder; and so I will have you in my prayers on that.
May God Bless you,
Sherry (sdghanks)
sdghanks
 
Posts: 80
Joined: Mon Mar 31, 2003 7:15 pm
Location: Savannah, GA

Postby dee » Wed Jun 11, 2003 1:25 am

you have to be patient with yourself on the baby shower thing. i have found that if I can quickly go in somewhere and find a suitable gift then find a reasonable excuse ...a date with my husband works...but keep in mind, nobody has to know why you're not coming! I actually have some friends that forget i am dealing with infertility because I don't make a big deal about these things i dread...i just don't go! BUT my gift still shows up..i still care about the person having the shower i just choose not to persecute myself..sorry about the rambling ! Hope that makes sense. Blessings, dee
dee age 28
dh age 32
happily married (regardless of this mess) for 7 years in June 2004
2 surgeries
1 failed adoption
ttc 5+ yrs
doggy mama to Micky (chihuhua)

HIS strength is perfect when mine is gone....
dee
 
Posts: 188
Joined: Fri Apr 04, 2003 10:25 pm
Location: Iowa

Postby Waiting » Wed Jun 11, 2003 8:47 am

Sherry & Dee,

Man! Yall are awesome! I loved reading both of your e-mails! Thank you for your encouragement! I've also bought baby things and given it to the person personally. Thanks for the advice about the baby shower. My husband told me that sometimes people forget that I'm going through infertility and constantly talk about babies or when my sis n law asked about the baby shower to me. This is the clincher I forgot to tell you, she wants the baby shower at my house b/c they live in apartments and we're the only one with a house. I was shocked she asked me. I was like "hello...." I told her "we'll talk about it later" I always feel like she feels that "hey, be happy for me. And I often don't feel she's very sympathetic. You know how people really show you they feel for you and others that just give lip service?

Thank you again for your great encouragment. We are going to save up again for another adoption. It'll take us a while and my husband's family won't like that we're doing it again, but we're going to try. We have a connection with a Christian adoption thing here in NC.

We'll be praying for yalls miracles!
1 failed adoption
6 failed IUIs
6 months of failed Clomid
1 DNC, 2 Laperoscopies for endometriosis
8 years of marriage, we're both in our 30s
God prepares those 'in the waiting'
Waiting
 
Posts: 9
Joined: Mon May 12, 2003 3:39 pm

Postby dee » Wed Jun 11, 2003 10:00 am

wow that is a lot to ask--a baby shower at your house! I'll be praying for extra grace and survival skills for you--blessings, Dee
dee age 28
dh age 32
happily married (regardless of this mess) for 7 years in June 2004
2 surgeries
1 failed adoption
ttc 5+ yrs
doggy mama to Micky (chihuhua)

HIS strength is perfect when mine is gone....
dee
 
Posts: 188
Joined: Fri Apr 04, 2003 10:25 pm
Location: Iowa


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